Back from Europe and Jobless

Howdy.

I am back from Europe, back for over 1 month now and living in a sweet apartment in Pacific Beach with my boyfriend Justin. It is a definite transition time in my life. No more school, no more clubs, no more outback, no more consistency...and most of my close friends are no longer around. It is a pretty down time for me right now as anyone who knows me well knows how much I thrive off little free time and being surrounded by people. Justin is at work everyday except Tuesdays and Sundays (random, I know) and when he gets home, he is ready to veg out and play video games. Luckily, we don't have a working TV, so he has resorted to playing guitar...which is not only more productive, but quite a turn on. I feel strangely like a housewife since I clean all morning, re organize things, and ponder what I will make for dinner. NOT A FAN. It is hard not to think about where I could be and what I could be doing right now that isn't this life. Being abroad, working on a farm, taking a job in another state, etc. But I know I should be content. I have scored a sweet sounding internship that is yet to start (background check how I hate you and how long you take). I am living with a man I love three blocks from the ocean. I have enough money to get me by for a few months without a job. It is beautiful outside....a perfect combo of summer heat and fall breeze. Despite the great things about my situation, I can't help feeling lonely and wishing that Jessie or Madison were around. I knew it would be hard with them not here, but I didn't realize quite how much they meant for my sanity. In their different ways they challenged me, inspired me, supported me, and listened to me. I am so glad they are still in my life via phone/email, but it isn't quite the same. I suppose since I believe everything happens for a reason, this is my time to learn how to enjoy spending time with myself. This is something I've always, for as long as I can remember, have abhorred. I can't stand being alone. I think it's because I get lost in my thoughts of fear and anxiety and start to worry about people and myself and the future. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I'm sure that this is common. Not quite sure where my paranoia came from...too many scary movies growing up? But it is really annoying to worry about someone breaking in or capturing you or people getting in car accidents...being busy distracts me from my own haunting thoughts. Maybe this is why I have a hard time reading books...my mind can wander too easily and I end up having to re-read or give up. Pretty lame. Well, enough of a downer, I am going to get dressed and go to the beach and finish my book. Without setting aside time for this I feel I will never finish, and I really like the book ("Monkey Wrench Gang" by Edward Abbey) so the time is now.

EUROPE Summer 2009

It has been mighty long since I wrote. Happy Independence Day to all USAians.

I am heading off next week to the adventure of a lifetime: 1.5 months in Europe with my best friend/roommate/sister Jessie who I have lived with for 3 years. Rather than try to keep in touch with individual people I am just going to write on my blog site so if any of you want to see what I'm up to, you can. I'd love to know your sites if you have them or updates about what you are all doing in general. All the best, Katie

Itinerary (may change, but this is the plan so far):

Israel July 12-26

Rome July 26-29

Siena, Florence, Cinque Terre, Milan July 29-August 7

Lake Como August 7-10

Provence August 11-17

Zurich August 17-21

Munich August 21-23

Berlin August 23-26

Israel August 26

New York August 27

Los Angeles August 27

San Diego September 2nd to guide Wilderness Orientation

Chop Chop

I cut my hair yesterday. Not too short, but I took about 3-4 inches off and feel brand new! It's so interesting to me how different you can feel when you look slightly altered. I've known for quite sometime that a dab of makeup, a pair of earrings, a splash of perfume, or in my case, a cute hairdo, can boost confidence. I would normally blame society for creating unrealistic views about self-worth and beauty through the media leading to declined self esteem in young people across the globe...but there is definitely something about changing the way you look that is beautiful. In landscape architecture class up at Berkeley we read an article about architectural design based on human characteristics (physical, physiological, and psychological). The article mentioned that humans find patterns with an interuption in them to be more beautiful than straight patterns. The example they gave was a brick wall, vs a brick wall with a window cut into it. Visually, they claim, it is the contrast that we find beautiful as humans. This made me wonder why we build cookie cutter homes. It also made me see yesterday that the excitement I had when I looked in the mirror yesterday wasn't vanity-it was beauty.

Easy Jobs

So I am at 'work', otherwise known as Outback Adventures. There are things to do, tasks to complete, inventory to count, trash to pick up, and gear to sort. Yet I am sitting here, relaxing, and enjoying the cool, quietness that is my job. This place has come to mean much more to me than a tiny forgotten building on an expansive campus (what it means to many others). This place is my home. I am welcomed, missed, accepted, inspired, taught, challenged, and loved. I didn't miss this place while I was away because it was familiar; I missed it for what it has been for me-a refuge, foundation, and reminder that despite the feeling that I must go along the path that this society wants for me, there are other choices-there is the wilderness. A place to fear and breathe and survive without the world watching. It has been almost a year since I guided my last WO trip, but I remember every trial, every Kodak moment, and every deep breath of the freshest air my lungs have ever known.  Outback has given me more than I ever thought it would.  Little did I know that running into some goofy kids riding a kayak down library walk on Admit Day would land me into a community of people so imperative to my college experience.  Some of the most challenging and most joy-filled days of my life have been because of Outback.  Puking for hours on the water both as a participant and guide, spending 24 hours by myself when I had never been by myself in my life and almost getting stepped on by a herd of cattle, playing sand dune capture the flag in baja against SDSU, having a cake-decorating contest between us and SDSU (our cake said STDSU on it and we definitely beat their book and library decoration), lying under the stars learning about the constellations, sock puppet explanations of UTIs and other wonderful medical problems, dress-up dinners using fisherman boots and dead crabs, COOKING meals that the kiddies never dreamt could exist in the woods, returning to the civ for that glorious shower and kinda wishing it didn’t have to happen, sleeping in Tom’s office before a 13 hour drive to Bahia, belaying someone in the pouring rain at the challenge course and seeing how much that person grew, teaching kids how to climb with their full body harnesses being put on in a surprising variety of ways, sharing life stories, highs and lows, and delicious slices of Julian and Silver Springs pie.  I could go on forever telling stories about the adventures that I have been able to have because of Outback.  But the adventures haven’t been the most important part for me at all. The reason I and many others of us are here is for the people, the Outback Community.  With my stellar WO guides Lindsay, Adam, and Yessica, it was almost impossible for me to stay away from the Treehouse, not to mention some super cute gear shop staff who made it even easier to come by for a visit.  I came week after week to hear gerbils and orchids from the older guides and see how much Outback had done for them.  I hoped that one day, I would be able to share the same funny stories and feel the bond of all these weird hippy people with my shared love for baked goods, beer, and leave no trace.  The friends I have made at Outback have been there for me through tough decisions and important realizations.  They have pushed me to great heights that I never thought possible-like riding 300 miles on my bike through Oregon.  You all make me want to be more and be the best version of myself at all times.  You have made me see my strengths and pointed out my weaknesses even when I didn’t want to see them.  You have formed a community around me that makes me feel safe and at peace.  I have learned more valuable skills and knowledge at Outback than in any lecture throughout college.  I don’t know if I’ll ever have another boss who will let me cry to him over coffee, one who will buy me beers when I’m underage, one who doesn’t fire me when my trailer comes off the van on the freeway, or one who will be a better role model for any person young or old.  Thank you Outback for being my solid rock that doesn’t judge me and pushes me greatness.  I will miss this place and these people more than you can imagine.