I am back from Europe, back for over 1 month now and living in a sweet apartment in Pacific Beach with my boyfriend Justin. It is a definite transition time in my life. No more school, no more clubs, no more outback, no more consistency...and most of my close friends are no longer around. It is a pretty down time for me right now as anyone who knows me well knows how much I thrive off little free time and being surrounded by people. Justin is at work everyday except Tuesdays and Sundays (random, I know) and when he gets home, he is ready to veg out and play video games. Luckily, we don't have a working TV, so he has resorted to playing guitar...which is not only more productive, but quite a turn on. I feel strangely like a housewife since I clean all morning, re organize things, and ponder what I will make for dinner. NOT A FAN. It is hard not to think about where I could be and what I could be doing right now that isn't this life. Being abroad, working on a farm, taking a job in another state, etc. But I know I should be content. I have scored a sweet sounding internship that is yet to start (background check how I hate you and how long you take). I am living with a man I love three blocks from the ocean. I have enough money to get me by for a few months without a job. It is beautiful outside....a perfect combo of summer heat and fall breeze. Despite the great things about my situation, I can't help feeling lonely and wishing that Jessie or Madison were around. I knew it would be hard with them not here, but I didn't realize quite how much they meant for my sanity. In their different ways they challenged me, inspired me, supported me, and listened to me. I am so glad they are still in my life via phone/email, but it isn't quite the same. I suppose since I believe everything happens for a reason, this is my time to learn how to enjoy spending time with myself. This is something I've always, for as long as I can remember, have abhorred. I can't stand being alone. I think it's because I get lost in my thoughts of fear and anxiety and start to worry about people and myself and the future. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I'm sure that this is common. Not quite sure where my paranoia came from...too many scary movies growing up? But it is really annoying to worry about someone breaking in or capturing you or people getting in car accidents...being busy distracts me from my own haunting thoughts. Maybe this is why I have a hard time reading books...my mind can wander too easily and I end up having to re-read or give up. Pretty lame. Well, enough of a downer, I am going to get dressed and go to the beach and finish my book. Without setting aside time for this I feel I will never finish, and I really like the book ("Monkey Wrench Gang" by Edward Abbey) so the time is now.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
EUROPE Summer 2009
It has been mighty long since I wrote. Happy Independence Day to all USAians.
Itinerary (may change, but this is the plan so far):
Israel July 12-26
Rome July 26-29
Siena, Florence, Cinque Terre, Milan July 29-August 7
Lake Como August 7-10
Provence August 11-17
Zurich August 17-21
Munich August 21-23
Berlin August 23-26
Israel August 26
New York August 27
Los Angeles August 27
San Diego September 2nd to guide Wilderness Orientation
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